Escaping the Herd

I recently completed a Marketing course at UoP.  The teacher asked the class "why did you come back to college?"  Most of us, including myself gave the rudimentary answers: to further my education, have the chance to get a better job, more money, increase my value.  He sat and listened to our reasons.  When we were through, he gave us his reasoning for us returning back to school.  He said, "You're here to escape the herd."  Each of us had a puzzled look on our faces so he continued.  "A college education gives you the tools to become an independent thinker.  Someone that can bring a different perspective to any situation and carve his or her own destiny."

How many times have we allowed ourselves to be carried off by another herd not of our choosing? Feeling helpless, we assume nothing can be done and wait for the ride to be over. This does nothing but built complacency and resentment for ourselves and the situation.  Breaking away from the herd can be tough and many decide its not worth the effort.  Some assume they won't like it and prefer to stay within familiar territory.  Still, there are some that want to test the waters.

Reconnecting with your core values (such as creativity, patience, respect, discovery, etc.) is the first step I've found in escaping the herd.  When we discover and connect with what's important to us, we are less apt to be swayed by decisions from others that don't resonate with us.  We are also more interested in finding solutions that are in alignment with who we are.  It seems like an easy thing to do but its not until we're faced with a situation that challenges our beliefs before we understand its meaning.

Challenging what's true is another way to break away from the herd.  All to often we are ready to believe the worst in others and ourselves.  When we challenge, we can step back and examine what is true and what is fiction.  Many times we connect an assumption with a negative outcome and call it the truth when all it is is an assumption and a negative outcome.

Don't be afraid to voice your opinions for fear you might be wrong.  The only way we can learn is from asking questions - lots of them.  Opening dialogue is the best way engage and learn from others.  When we allow the fear of being wrong to overrule our quest for knowledge and understanding we cheat ourselves of the truth.  What is important is that we allow curiosity to guide our conversation and not fear.  

Escaping the herd means finding freedom - and isn't that what we all want. 

Coach Hellena



 

Proving Yourself...

Sorry I've been absent for a while.  I started my second class at UoP – Technology in Human Services and before I knew it my five weeks were up and I hadn't shared one thing.  Not only did I learn how technology and human services work together for the benefit of client and counselor, I also learned about my strengths both as a team member and leader. Here are my lessons learned from the past five weeks. Some I already knew and some I needed to remember.

Week One: Don’t be afraid to forge new Alliances

Entering the class I discovered that the students there have been together for the last five to seven classes.  That sometimes makes it difficult for a new person to connect well within a group.  Luckily, there is usually one or two in the class that make the job easy.  What we have to remember is that we “bring something” to the group that’s just as valuable.  Lesson One: Know what you bring and bring it!

Week Two: Use your Assets to take the team to the next level

Everybody has a strength that can be used to propel the team to the next level.  This is not a time to get shy.  Rather it is the perfect opportunity to take that knowledge and put it to good use.  So many times we stand in the shadows because we are afraid to shine.  That’s not the way to get a tan!  As team members we must bring our best talents to the group each week.  Lesson Two:  Use your talents to strengthen the group.

Week Three: Leadership is an asset – honor it

To be a leader is to support your team to greatness.  We sometimes forget that true leadership is not about the “little me” but rather the big picture.  It is an opportunity to provide clarity, structure, balance, and cohesiveness to the group.  When you lead, you are in service to others.  Lesson three:  Lead with your heart and your teammates will follow.

Week Four: Understand what it means to be a team member

Collaboration is the key ingredient when working with individuals.  While different opinions will always be present, the key is to find the “perfect environment” where everyone is heard and the focus remains on the task at hand.  Taking away emotions and dealing with facts is the only way a team can move forward.  Anything less and the assignment will suffer.  Lesson Four: Learn how to play nice with the other students.

Week Five: Never ever let them see you sweat

As an individual and team member ALWAYS have a “plan B” ready to execute.  Why? It keeps you from stressing when stuff happens and it proves to others and more importantly to yourself that you are serious.  This is your opportunity to push yourself and see what you’re made up.  You’re more than capable – that’s why you’re there.  Now is the time to move out of your comfort zone.  Not because you want to punish yourself but because you want to reward yourself by growing and proving once again what an asset you truly are.  Lesson Five:  Always be prepared.

Hellena in Wonderland...

I saw an “updated” version of Alice in Wonderland with Johnny Depp the other day.  The movie was mildly entertaining but what stayed with me was the message.  The heroine Alice found herself going “down the rabbit hole” once again – this time to save Wonderland from the Evil Queen of Hearts.  This faraway place held both mystery and adventure for Alice – something that was missing from her life up above.    

Ultimately, what Alice found down the rabbit hole was herself.  It wasn’t that she didn’t have a sense of Alice; she simply hadn’t put her spirit to the test.  Up above she was to be married off to some young buffoon she did not love. This man could not or would not appreciate what an adventurous women he had before him.  In Wonderland however, Alice got to be brave, take risks, and believe in herself as she’s never done before.  And so it made sense that after Alice “saved” Wonderland, she saved herself from a loveless marriage and sailed off to new adventures.

My tag line at UoP is “what will I learn today?” And as the universe would have it, it became a two-way learning experience.  The study of Human Services is making me reflect on what I know, or rather, what I “thought” I knew about the people that utilize these services.  It also made me question my own hidden prejudices – again something I didn’t know was there until it was brought to light.  As a coach, I’ve learned that when one is discovering, there is no room for shame, guilt or regret (you’ve done enough of that already) - only acknowledgment, curiosity and a willingness to change.   

I also learned that I LOVE to write and research!  For me it’s the adventure of going “down the rabbit hole” to discover something I never knew before and share it with the world.  My first paper, What is Human Services received a perfect 10 out of 10!  I am quite pleased since a paper is graded on the following criteria: content/conceptualization, logical organization of thought, ideas and structure, clarity, spelling and grammar and APA (American Psychological Association) format (how the paper is structured). I’ve also given my first presentation with my learning team and again received a perfect score - thank you Toastmasters!

I look forward to my continuation down this rabbit hole and discovering more about Hellena and what she is capable of.  I already know that the sky’s the limit. But boy…what a ride it will be!

Hellena

The Journey has begun…

Last night I attended my first class at the University of Phoenix (UoP).  My field of study is Human Services, which is a broad term for individuals who have a desire to assist people with their basic physical and emotional needs.  We focus on the marginalized population and connect them with the services they need, become their advocate and work on a societal level to remove barriers that affect them.  This field includes a variety of career paths including caseworker, program coordinator or crises counselor.  Individuals who further their education can become psychologists, licensed clinical social workers (LCSW), psychiatrists, and licensed social workers (LSW) to name a few.  

My particular field of study is Human Services Management which will give me the foundation of human services (counseling, social work and psychology) with the management skills of planning, organizing, leading, assessing and evaluating.  This degree will be the foundation as I build my coaching practice Core Illuminations to work with inner city youth.  Core Illuminations Academy (C.I.A.) will work with students in the areas of coaching, public speaking, leadership, career focus and preparation for college (list not exhaustive).   

Before we go any further, I have a confession: I’m a nerd and I love it!! I went to Staples Tuesday and loaded up on school supplies and went home and organized everything.  Despite UoP being a green school, I still found myself printing out my reading material.  I need to be able to touch it, mark it up and makes notes.  Guess that makes me “old school”.  I've gone on my school website and created my personal page with picture included.  Most students are still trying to navigate the website and find out where their homework is located :-).

I also forgot how excited I get when I’m in an academic environment (this honors my value of learning).  There is something about walking on a campus and feeling the energy.  For me it’s not just about learning, it’s about the connection to people, ideas and passion. 

UoP classes are small (10 – 20 students average) which is great because it allows for an intimate connection with your teacher and fellow students.  We had a total of six students show up for class last night.  While this is not unusual, my teacher hopes to see the other four next week.   

My instructor is very passionate about his field and this comes across in his teachings.  As a life coach, it's always great to see someone emerged in their passion and sharing it with others. To give students a true working environment, UoP is big on “learning teams”.  This creates an opportunity for individuals of different ethnic backgrounds and personalities, to work together and learn from one another.  In most cases the instructor will allow students to select the people they want to work with.  To help me with this process, my student advisor gave me a few questions to ask myself when selecting people:  Did they arrive to class on time? Are they prepared for class? Do they have a pen to write with? Are they an active participant in the group discussions?  Do they seem flustered?  These are all good points to consider when selecting someone for your learning team.

Once class began, the discussion around Human Services was rich because my classmates and I brought our own life experiences into the conversation.  Real-life scenarios allowed us to view the subject from many different angles.  I already see the advantage of being an adult learner versus when I was in college many moons ago.  I’m more focused and have a greater level of determination.  I also don’t have time to waste.  I see my goal in sight and this journey is bringing me closer to it.

Those tips my advisor gave me about selecting a learning team paid off!  I'm working with a great team of fellow students that are dedicated and passionate about their growth and learning.  We meet this Sunday to put together our first team assignment.  I have a 5-page report on Human Services and a PPT presentation about Aging in America with my learning team due next week. We’ll each have 5 minutes to present our slides.  As a Toastmaster, I have experience in organizing, planning, timing and presenting speeches. These skills will come in handy.

Learning at UoP is rigorous but rewarding. Students are given several chapters to read and homework is due every week. Developing strong study habits will help tremendously.  Time management and organizational skills will also help as you plan your work.  In fact, this is critical since the UoP class structure is one class every 5 weeks!  Talk about focused and intense study!

I've noticed something about myself as I get closer to my dreams.  The fear I used to have about my abilities is no longer there.  This is not to say that I won't be challenged but the fear that I won't measure up is gone.  The same calmness I experienced when I began training as a coach is with me now at UoP.  When I opened myself to that experience, it yielded amazing discoveries.

I look forward to what this new journey will bring.

Hellena

The Leap

I had hit rock bottom. I doubted my abilities. I had the feeling that people were looking at me behind my back and shaking their heads with pity.  I was not satisfied with my life and my work standards suffered for it.  That’s when “she” came to me. She had been patiently waiting, giving me subtle hints that she was on her way and now “she” saw that I was ready for a change.

It was August 2006 and after just two months of marriage to my husband Peter, I was in the hospital having a hysterectomy. Needless to say I was devastated – but not lost.  “She” guided me to a therapist who helped me tremendously and “she” also placed a book in my path - Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap...And Others Don't by Jim Collins.  This book had a profound affect on me.   When the author instructed companies to find 3 things that they are really good at and focus only on them, I did that for myself.  My 3 greatest assets: an ease with public speaking, the ability to connect with people and my gift for helping people solve their problems were the things I decided to focus on and improve. These 3 things helped me to take my leap – and become one with her.

Values 

I realized that by focusing on my 3 greatest assets, they would connect me with my deepest values: trust, integrity, creativity, to be of service and to honor my self-worth.    Being conscious of those values made it easier for me to see when I was not honoring them.  Think about your values and how they connect with the work you do. If your work is engaging, challenges your intellect, is exciting and you look forward to it every day, it doesn’t seem like work.  But when your work is uninspiring and creates dissonance, you’ll find yourself dreading each task.  “She” knew my values and that as soon as I connected with them my journey would begin.

My Future Self

 You see “she” is me – Hellena, my future-self.  That part of me that didn’t see me as less than but more than I could ever imagine.  It wasn’t that Hellena was boastful, it was that she knew that in every situation, good, bad or indifferent, there was something I could learn as I moved forward in my life.

We all have a future-self – we just need to tap into it and have that discussion.  It is that part of us that does not live life by lack or limitation but by abundance and endless resources.  It does not see obstacles but rather opportunities for growth and learning.  It remembers how to dream and does it on a daily basis. It keeps life exciting.  It creates scenarios with the connector word “and” not “or”, “either” or “but”. As in “I can be successful and have a great relationship” versus “I can either have a thriving career or a great marriage”. It knows the importance of boundaries and when to say no to take care of self.

Making the leap

In January 2007 instead of making a resolution, I made a declaration. From now on I would be open to whatever the universe brought my way. I also made a conscious decision to honor my 3 assets.  First, I joined Toastmasters (Professional Women Toastmasters).  Not only did I become a better speaker, but when I joined the board and served my club, I also became a better leader. Secondly, after a short track with psychology, I decided to become a Life Coach.  I wanted to work with people and help move them forward in their lives. This career path addressed assets 2 and 3 simultaneously. My coaching practice Core Illuminations has expanded to include workshops and is ever growing.  Coaching also gave me one more gift: It helped me to find my creative side – designing jewelry.  Creations by Hellena was born from the freedom I gave myself to believe I had a creative outlet.  And it was further enriched by knowing that creating is not about perfection – it’s about allowing something to be.

These two career choices were a major shift for me because up until then I had only seen myself as nobody special.   How could I have the audacity to think someone would trust me with their most intimate fears and dreams?  That someone, other than my family and friends, would not only love my jewelry but pay me for it?  That wasn’t my future-self Hellena making those comments.  Alas, my saboteur aptly named Mr. Fear Procrastinator started whispering nuggets of self-doubt and worry in my ear.  I admit, for a while it kept me stagnated but because I was now connected to my values, Hellena had ammunition with which to battle those fears.  She said “Send out an email blast to family, friends and colleagues and tell them about your new coaching profession. What’s the worst that could happen?”   “Email pictures of your jewelry to that boutique.  It’s only an email, what harm can come from it?” Hellena took away the doubt and allowed my talents and gifts to speak for themselves.  In both instances, I was greeted with the word YES!  And what happens when you hear that word?  You want to hear it again!  Now that my fear had gone, I could approach perfect strangers and talk to them about what I did without fear of rejection because my PASSION was leading the discussion.

Now…

I look back and thank my future-self for her patience and steadfastness. I look back and thank the Universe for allowing me to fall – so that I could learn something new. I look back on those 5 years and see the many leaps I’ve taken and the growth, adventures and rewards I’ve received.  Now, Hellena and I make those leaps together…

I leave you with this: Discover and Nurture your 3 greatest assets.  They hold the keys to your sanity, health and happiness.  It is here that your future-self is waiting to take the next leap with you.  Don’t keep him/her waiting!

Kindness

I was driving home from a birthday party last Saturday night and my car started acting up!  In a nutshell, it overheated and cut off!!! Luckily I was taking an exit and was able to make it to the off-ramp before it completely shut down.  Needless to say, I was scared out of my wits.  I immediately called my husband and told him what happened.  He comforted me as much as he could over the phone and wanted to come to where I was located.  I told him I was fine and that I would call AAA and have them bring me and my broken car home.  To their credit, AAA sent a truck out immediately and I was soon on my way home. 

What happened before AAA arrived is what struck me.  A fellow driver stopped and asked if everything was alright.  That moment of kindness had a profound effect on me. I was so touched by his concern for a stranger.  In that instant, a calmness came over me. There are still people in the world that would take the time to help a stranger.

  

My incident, while scary, confirms my belief that there are angels everywhere waiting to help if we only open our hearts and minds to the possibility that they exists.  Of course, you have to be careful and listen to your intuition, for your own safety - and I was.  But what a great testament I can share.

That same evening, I got the opportunity to pay that kindness forward when my AAA driver and I came across a car with four young ladies whose car had just died like mine on the off ramp of the freeway.  My driver made a U turn and helped push their car out of harm’s way and I used my AAA card to get them assistance.  Luckily for them, they simply ran out of gas.  The driver was able to give them enough gas to get across the street and to the gas station!   

Kindness is all around us if we only take a moment to

look, appreciate and demonstrate it.

When was the last time you received kindness and paid it forward?